The Haggis Movie Marathon
Well being this has been an extremely SLOW entertainment news week, I decided to post my thoughts on a few new movies that I’ve seen lately. A lot of these movies are just now coming to DVD so the timing is good. Here goes.
Charlies Angels: Full Throttle
Cameron Diaz, Lucy Lui, Drew Barrymore, Bernie Mac
Running Time: 106 Minutes.
If you are looking for a deep plot, characters you care about, and believable action sequences, then rent ANYTHING else but this. The title of this movie should have been “Cameron Diaz’s Ass” because it had more screen time than she did (not that i’m really complaining, but damn). Every single scene had me going “What?!” or “Oh give me a break,” because it was just that bad. Really really bad. 2 out of 5 stars, but only because of Bernie Mac.
Legally Blonde 2: Red White & Blonde
Reese Witherspoon, Sally Field, Luke Wilson
Running Time: 95 Minutes too long
But not nearly as bad as this peice of cinematic garbage. This has officially made it on to my top 10 list of the WORST MOVIES EVER MADE. I was forced to lose an hour and a half of my life by watching this movie on the plane ride back from my trip to New York City, and even with being stuck on the plane I wish I could have that time back. The only even remotely funny part of the movie was the whole “gay dog” thing and that lost its appeal about two gay dog jokes later. 1/10 Star out of 5. Yes, a tenth and I still think i’m being generous.
The Hulk
Eric Bana, Jennifer Connely, Nick Nolte
Running time: 138 Minutes
Ah, finally something I was actually looking forward to seeing. The Hulk was good, but the plot was a little weak. Okay it was a lot weak. The Hulk has always been one of my favorite anti-superheroes and I was extremely worried about how big of a change Ang Lee had made to the green goliath. The movie is a little slow to get off the ground but once Bruce changes, it gets much better. Bruce’s origin is a little different in the movie vs the comics (in the comics both his parents died when he was a child, and he was never experimented on) however I like how they incorporated Betty a little better than just being the typical damsel in distress. The ending, while being dazzled by the fantastic special effects, was a let down. I’m glad they incorporated one of The Hulk’s greatest villians (no spoilers!) into it, but I wish it had been the real character instead of the adapted one. 3 1/2 Stars out of 5.
Malibu’s Most Wanted
Jamie Kennedy, Taye Diggs, Anthony Anderson
Running Time: 86 Minutes
Jamie Kennedy’s first starring role as one of this characters from his WB TV show “The Jamie Kennedy Experiment” is enjoyable to a point, but the whole “white suburban gansta” joke wears thin at times. Jamie plays “B-Rad,” a son of an influential congressman running for office. B-Rad interrupts some important press gatherings with his horrible rhymes so his staff makes plans to have him kidnapped and have the “black scared out of him.” Some of the funniest stuff is when B-Rad realizes the setup and tries to take advantage of it, only in a real situation. Overall this was a pretty dumb movie, but I really wasn’t expective much. 2 out of 5.
28 Days Later..
Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris
Running Time: 113 Minutes
Quoted on the cover of the DVD as “The greatest zombie movie ever made” which is extremely confusing as the movie isn’t about zombies at all. A new contagious disease is released to an unsuspecting London by a PETA-like group trying to free experimented-on animals. 28 days later, London’s been quarantined and the last few unaffected survivors must fight their way out. The “Zombies” aren’t zombies at all. They are normal people infected with what they refer to as “rage” which makes them angry pretty much all the time. The movie gets off to a good start but slowly downhills after confusing plot changes with no sense of direction. I was expecting a lot more out of this movie. 3 out of 5.
The Rules of Attraction
James Van Der Beek, Shannyn Sossamon, Jessica Biel
Running Time: 110 Minutes
Another movie adaption from the brilliant and extremely warped mind of Brett Easton Ellis, who previously brought us the phenominal mind-fuck called “American Psycho” and the drug-addled “Less Than Zero”. Rules is about a group of college students (the main character is the younger brother of the “American Pyscho” character Patrick Bateman) dealing with their strange and confusing relationships with each other. At first glance the movie seems to be a typical emotional college film, but the characters have so much depth that you get lost in them easily. Strange movie, but it’s definetely worth a watch. 3 1/2 out of five.
Wrong Turn
Eliza Dushku, Desmond Harrington, Jeremy Sisto
Running Time: 84 Minutes
I will never go to West Virginia. This movie didn’t do so well in the box office, but it actually turned out to be a decent slasher pic. I have a great love of horror movies and this one is one of but a few that made me jump (and even yelped once!). An out of work doctor is seeking employment and gets lost on the way to an interview and collides with a group of campers. In typical horror movie fashion they start being picked off one-by-one as they try to make their way back to civilization. The main difference between the killer in this movie as compared to others is there isn’t just one. There’s three. “The Inbred Brothers” as they are referred to briefly, each one has his own “killing skill”, and the remainder of the campers (including the uber-hotness that is Eliza Dushku) must find their way out of the woods before it’s too late. 4 out of 5.
Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
Eric Christian Olsen, Derek Richardson, Eugene Levy, Cheri Oteri
Running Time: 85 Minutes
Don’t. Watch. This. Movie. Ever. 1 out of 5.
On the list to be watched:
Bad Boys 2
Pirates of the Caribbean
The Core
The Italian Job
Man.. I watch too many movies. 
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